BrEaKfaSt WaS gReaT!

We ate breakfast mmMm it was good! The truck stop ended up having a nice buffet that morning, and we had the pleasure of having a little of this and a little of that! We had a great day, I took a nice long nap in the afternoon. The following day was full of visits therapy, and a Mary Kay visit where I got to help one of my favorite people find a shade that makes her feel great! I had a great day! We got home just in time to watch the deep pillows of snow be scooped from our street.

Valentine’s Day was a day I had been looking forward to, when you are married to a man who’s job is protecting other’s lives and property, who’s usually working on every holiday. I say it doesn’t matter, in reality it sometimes does, more so now than it did before, what day he works or what day he doesn’t. Before I could get in the car and go spend the day with him at work or where ever else I would want, even stay home, which I often did, as the actual holiday didn’t have much going on for our family, and I would use it to do a party at someone else’s holiday, still getting to celebrate having been give the great gift of extending my family, or maybe I would spend the day at home getting caught up on paperwork or rest.

Now holiday’s at least most of them he has had the privilege of working over the past four years, for various reasons, everyone out of his control whether to have the day off or not. I spend them pretending that they aren’t really holiday’s.

Valentine’s Day was different this year, not only did he have the day off, I was feeling well, and I had made plans! Granted they weren’t all roses, and champagne but hey they were plans and they were ours!

Woo Hoo, we were off! Have you ever heard of wheelchair basket ball? We are fans of that! We had a great home town guy plugged in to a tournemant and we were delighted to see his game! The game was great, fun and exciting all the things you could ask for! I had to take some extra meds as I was feeling the strain of my physical limitations, but hey, it was all caught early and I was feeling great, tired but great, after the game we headed off to try and find a movie, but gave in to our tummies and made a stop at Taco Bell, gotta love Taco Bell, not exactly the most romantic but we both love their food, so it fit! Perfect for us.

We headed off toward home, we decided to rent some movies and then see about spending the rest of our Valentine energy for later in the day it was only the middle of the afternoon. I was so happy, we were having a super great day, no worries, and plans of lots of fun! Guess when the most whipped cream is purchased? You guessed it, Valentine’s Day, I know most people think Thanksgiving.

We were headed down the street, since I can’t drive I was just sitting and enjoying the ride. Thinking about what movie’s we might be going to watch, (we’d stopped renting movies due to budgetary constraints) I was so excited! We were splurging! It had been so long, I even had trouble coming up with a “want to see list”.

Traffic wasn’t slow but it wasn’t fast either, we were out on the road with many others, who I think were also getting ready to head to their Valentine Day festivities. Who would have thought it but someone was paying more attention to something other than driving her car and where she was going, Jason tried to warn me, but it happened too fast, that girl ran in to the car behind us and they slammed in to us, the car we had been stopped behind made the turn, thank goodness we were far enough back from them to not cause another chain reaction.

Our jeep fared the best, of course, Jeeps are tough especially those bumpers! Jason had gone out to explore, I sat there in shock and the course of events happened follow most any accident protical, the police, the reports etc.

As far as accident’s go this one was pretty minor, had I not been in one of the car’s there may not have been any one hurt. Geesh, dumb girl PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE YOU ARE GOING!

I DO NOT ENJOY SITTING IN BED HURTING FOR DAYS ON END!!!!

I DO NOT ENJOY IV’S!

I DO NOT ENJOY GETTING RADIATION RADIATED INTO MY BODY OVER AND OVER AND OVER! Wondering if this is the time that the bones in my neck broke. Or more muscles or ligaments are ripped.

I DO NOT ENJOY NOT BEING ABLE TO LIFT MY LEFT ARM AND MY LEFT LEG! LAYING THERE THINKING I WAS GOING TO BE PARALIZED! IT ISN’T FUN!

I DO NOT ENJOY WATCHING MY INCREDIBLE HUSBAND TURN TO MUSH OVER ALL OF THE BAD THOUGHTS GOING THROUGH HIS MIND OF WHAT I NOW WON’T BE ABLE TO DO!

I have a hard enough time walking now, I have a hard enough time getting out of bed now, I have a hard enough time doing daily household chores now. Jason has a hard enough time picking up the pieces, driving me everywhere, doing all that I can’t do and being all that I can’t be. He doesn’t need me to be hurt more, to be in bed more, to have more medical bills to figure out how to pay for.

AND IT ISN’T FUN ANY TIME! BUT ON VALENTINE’S DAY???? COME ON!

COME ON PEOPLE!!!! PAY ATTENTION!

Ok, so I have vented! I would have never imagined the frustration we have gone through had you asked me a short five years ago. I don’t write this as a complaint, please understand, I write these things to be able to get these frustrations off of my mind, out of my heart and so that I can move on. I can’t be dwelling on these things, as the thoughts come through my mind I am able to get them out and written down, and I stop thinking of them and don’t dwell on them.

This past week depression has set in, and it has been so hard to stay out of it, I have to fight every day to stay positive, and I have to fight every day to stay focused on what I have and what I can do. And for each of those things I am grateful! I know there are so many out there who have things worse, who have life harder, who’ve gone through more and who can do less.

I and we are very fortunate! I am very very aware of this! I am grateful, and in order to be grateful, I have to have a safe place to put all of the things that don’t belong in the daily activities of my mind.

This also gives those in my life a place to go to understand me, what is going on with me and maybe an opportunity to be grateful for what they have in their lives as well.

I am grateful, the swelling went down and I began to regain the use of my left arm and leg. I am walking on my own now after five days of needing constant assistance, the swelling in my neck is slowly going down and today, I had my first good day since the Valentine’s Day Car Accident.

It is hard for me to share the bad things that I am going through, having been trained and taught to only share the good and the positive. Four years ago, Jason and I hid what had happened, not out of shame but out of a desire to not “infect” the lives of those around us with the negitivity.

What we found was a whole lot of isolation, a whole lot of anger, and a whole lot of lonely struggle, that no one understood. Still to this day, people in our lives are just finding out about the changes that have gone on in our lives. If you are one of those people, this is one of the reason’s that we are sharing our story.

Not for pitty, but for understanding. So when I say I can’t do that, or I can’t lift that, you don’t look at me like I am lazy or trying to not do my part. Because I do look the same as I always have. If you don’t want to do something for me, just tell me, or don’t offer. I usually don’t ask.

But do realize that there are others out there like me, they deserve your compassion, these people work harder at getting dressed everyday than you do most days at work. You see someone who is struggling with something, whether it be a math problem, negotiating the stairs, stuttering through a sentence, having to take the long way around in their wheelchair, someone who has a screaming child, or someone who isn’t as clean as you think they should be, HAVE SOME UNDERSTANDING! Offer a kind smile, and teach that to your kids!

You never know, tomorrow, that person could be you or someone you love, and you go through the rest of your life “teaching others” to be nicer, more compassionate, more patient! It could be you, I surely hope it isn’t!

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